Man, if I’d been working all semester like I am right now, I’d have a lot less stress in my life.

My 4×5 project is due tomorrow in photography class. I still have to develop and print, but fortunately, I got everything shot. The only drawback is that I won’t have time to reshoot anything, and I won’t be able to get back to the photo lab until tonight, because I have to attend the Memorial Celebration.

Also, I have less than 2 weeks of school left, and I have beaucoup de graphic design projects that need to be completed for Senior Portfolio. I’m not the only one stressing, though. I’m in the company of art students and fellow procrastinators. It seems that I can only get motivated to get my projects done when the due date is imminently close.

Oh well. I’m gonna resolve to work my butt of til the end of the semester. I have to decide if I want to take any classes over the summer, because registration is this week. I really should get a job, since, save for one photography class left to take, I don’t really have any more school to do.

I’m actually in class right now, wasting time, so my resolve doesn’t seem too great at the moment.

Ok, I’ll end this entry and bizounce to get ready for tonight.

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda, translated by W.S. Merwin

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

•

I was feeling like this^.

Then I had a moment of clarity, and once again, it’s sucked to be mature. Totally killed my angst streak. I’m still a little miffed, but not as much as before.

To be more specific, the poem refers to the feelings I have rather than being exactly accurate to the situation. The last two lines, in particular, ring quite true. Though, I don’t think I have that strong of a resolve. Not yet, anyway.

You’re gonna hate me when I tell you everything
You’re gonna question whether you really know me at all
You will revisit every smile
And where it fit into the day
I know this is how it will play
—”Even So” by Rachael Yamagata

I miss my friend.

Sometimes I wish I could say exactly what I think and feel, without worrying about the consequences.

I can’t.

•

I hear angst is supposed to fuel creativity and such. Notsomuch here.

On the other hand, though I don’t feel like drawing, I do have some story idea inspired by a song by this band. It was eerily appropriate considering my musings over the past few days.

•

I meant for this entry to be a photo dump, but that’ll have to wait til a little later. School is still driving me mad, I’ve got two photo projects due, one still seriously late. I’ve got lots to do for my Senior Portfolio. I need to get a type-dominant poster done and 3 more logos at least. I don’t know how I manage to be so effing complacent about all of this. Habit I guess.

Everything’s all clear
I wish it was raining
‘Cause I hate every beautiful day
—”Hate Every Beautiful Day” by SUGARCULT

Well, today I didn’t go to my internship in order to get my artist presentation paper done for photography class. So, I was really stressed, feeling bad psychologically.

Then, I start to feel bad physically, nauseous and such, and I lay down for a bit. My computer hangs up while I’m trying to write my paper, then I have to take my little sister her track shoes. But the time I get back, I have no time to finish my paper, and I’m wondering if I’m going to be able to sit through class. I finally take some medication (hard in itself, because I can’t swallow pills), and I slowly start to feel better. Eventually I realize that it’s not my day to present, which is a relief. However, I still need to go to the photo lab tonight to work, and I really don’t feel like it, because now I’m stressed emotionally.

Yeah, this is not one of my better days.

If it were raining, then something would at least be going my way, matching my mood. But it’s actually quite lovely outside. A great day to shoot photos and appreciate creation. Goodness, I’m an optimist even when I’m depressed, if that’s even possible.

•

On a positive note, my slides came out awesome. I was excited about it yesterday, but lately I’ve been overwhelmed and overwhelming myself. I worry about too many things that I can’t control, and I just have to learn not to take things so personal.

Man, I feel so overwhelmed right now. I’ve got about a month to finish up all my projects for my porfolio review, I’ve a paper to write for Photography class, I’ve to finish a super-late project for photography class, and I’ve to keep up with my intersnhip blog.

I’m about to be in a financial quagmire, which isn’t a good thing. Me and my younger sister are traveling to NYC at the end of May on a little vacation. It was her idea to go, and she wanted me to come along with her. We’ve already purchased our plane tickets, and I had been in pretty decent financial standing for the trip, only spending my money on things for class, and a few indulgences. The only big purchase was my digital camera. Anyway, my funds have dwindled quite a bit, recently. My only saving grace is that I have two commissions lined up that should supply me with the money needed for my trip.

Last semester when I was hard up for cash, I sold some books and CDs on amazon.com. That worked out pretty well, actually. I’m looking at some books right now that I could sell. I don’t want to part with too many of my possessions, though. The reason I bought them in the first place was so that I could, you know, have them. However materialistic that may sound, that’s how it is.

That said, the point is that I’d rather sell my art than sell my stuff. So, I’d gladly take commissions that can be completed in the next two months in order to fund my upcoming excursion.

But didn’t you say you got a job, a frequent reader of my blog may ask.

The answer is yes, but right after I was hired, business got slow. Slow business equals there not being much opportunity for me to learn on the job. It also means that since I was hired to “help out” I’m pretty much useless if there aren’t many customers. Maybe things will pick up in the future, and CiCi will call me back. I’m not begrudging the situation. It’s just life.